Luxury Basics Issues For Women In Life

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It’s Been Awhile, So Shoot Me

Leslie June 21st, 2007

Yes, I have been running around a lot in the past month, trying to move my business forward, get my daughter off to overnight camp, attend to the normal daily activities of house and husband, etc.  And I have not been braindead while I have been moving through my little life - no, I have been picking up lots of material for my writing here and elsewhere, when I get a chance.

So here’s the thing that I have noticed lately.  The world is a crowded place, a competitive one, and a critical, judgmental one.  I know you know that.  But here’s what I mean by this observation.  Lately, because I have been multi-tasking at such a rapid rate, I have found it difficult or should I say, lower priority, to plan ahead for certain activities.  For example, the other night, my husband and I decided at the last minute to go out for dinner.  We hopped in our car and drove down into Beverly Hills, which has a multitude of restaurants.  Since parking is at a premium, we found a space first, and then decided which direction to walk.  We chose a street that has many restaurants and started walking.  The first restaurant we came to was a very popular one, very crowded with people waiting outside.  The one next door, owned by the same chef, was more than half empty, still very good, so we walked in.

The hostess greeted us and asked us if we had a reservation.  When we said no, she gave us this look of utter contempt and haughty consternation.  My rejoinder to this untoward, unwarranted putdown was to look her straight in the eye and say, “So shoot me.”  My response was so unpredictable to her, that she broke out with an uncontrolled smile that seemed to come from the inside out.  After I set her straight, things moved along nicely after that.

Yesterday, I was on the phone with American Airlines and American Express travel desks, trying to arrange for a “last minute” vacation in July or August. You would have thought, by the response that I received that I had just asked them to move heaven and earth to get a reservation, somewhere, anywhere.  Again, the remonstrating tone,  the sound of disbelief at my nerve and naivete (not me!) to think for one instant, that there might be airline seats and hotel rooms to be had at this late date for a summer getaway.  Of course, much to their shock and disbelief, there were.  But that was after I had to pull out the refrain,”I know this is last minute, so shoot me” line to knock them off their high horse.

In fact, serendipity seems lost in this world.  Especially during prime time.  It’s great to be able to plan ahead and I am a planner.  On the other hand, there are times when planning ahead is not top of mind.  Other times when planning ahead means that cancelling is a distinct possibility, even a likelihood when the planning is so far ahead. 

It’s important to have things to look forward to and to get things on your calendar periodically.  But I still cling to living today and enjoying the day I’m having now.  The future is always out there, but I’m here, now.  So shoot me.  I haven’t booked my vacations for next year, nor have I planned which retirement community I will repair to (as if….).  The furthest out I’m thinking right now is this afternoon.  Later today, I will consider making a dinner reservation for tomorrow night.  But that’s my limit.

 Thanks for visiting.  Stay tuned.

Leslie June 21st, 2007


Juggling

Leslie April 11th, 2007

I’m tired.  I wake up that way most mornings at 6:30 am when my alarm goes off.  Have to drive my daughter to school each day, be there before 8 am.  She’s not fully awake either, but she’s not supposed to be - she’s a teenager and needs endless amounts of sleep.  I remember well the Saturday mornings waking up after noon, not really sorry that half the day had already passed me by.  I was happy sleeping then, just like I would be happy sleeping now, albeit, now the idea of half the day slipping away under the covers is actually unacceptable.  I have to live more of each day now, since I’m way over 40 and the days seem to count more.

One of the reasons that I may be tired, since I’m not exactly sure of the reason, is that I am in a constant mode of juggling.  Nothing new to most of you women readers, and I bet you’re tired too.  Each day presents a long list of disparate tasks and activities that I must accomplish or complete.  Otherwise, someone may suffer, starve or at least complain. When I was a busy CEO and running large companies, somehow the juggling didn’t seem as drastic, although I was working pretty much from morning until 11 at night when I would collapse.  Only to wake up and repeat.  I was tired then too.

Now, I have a business that I am in the process of launching and building, which really should be a full time business and some days it is.  I also manage the social and business calendar of my husband, as well as all of his financial activities in his business as well as mine and ours.  Then there’s my daughter’s school and social schedule, periodic doctor and orthodontal visits, travel schedules, home related issues such as repairs, groceries, garden etc.  Then there are larger family issues which include my parents and my husband’s mother, both sides living in different cities.  The sandwich generation somehow doesn’t capture the experience.  Am I the ham or the cheese or both?  Feeling consumed bit by bit may be a little closer to the periodic feelings that wash over.

Time for myself?  When I’m sleeping, naturally.

And I count myself among the very lucky ones.  Currently, there are no pressing health worries to pimplify (my word) the rest of the enumerated above.  Nor are there two families with one divorced parent and two sets of kids to add to the mix.  We don’t have older family members living with us or across the street.  Nor do we worry about our mortgage.  (Paying for college may be another story.)  So there, I counted my blessings, as I do routinely and daily, when I wake up tired. 

Eventually, the tiredness does yield, either to full fatigue or oftentimes, if I’m engaged in a stimulating activity, a full remission in the feelings of tiredness.  Energy returns, I feel alive.  Like right now.  I’m thinking, writing, communicating, getting something off my chest.  Now, off I go to visit  4 hotels and see the rooms they have to offer for a trunk show that I’m planning.  Then, a stop at the grocery, post office, go exercise, home to make dinner.  A typical day.  I guess I can rest when I’m dead.

Stay tuned.  I have several more posts that I will be adding this week.

 

Leslie April 11th, 2007


Humor in the Face of Tragedy

Leslie March 2nd, 2007

Last night I jumped into bed early and opened Nora Ephron’s new book, I Feel Bad About My Neck.  I spent the next hour laughing to tears, her observations hitting, unfortunately, a little too close to home.  Then, I turned on the news to hear about the tornado devastation in Alabama, with 8 high school students killed.  Sometimes the juxtapositions of life are really hard to contain.  Being a grownup and trying to find explanations for the inexplicable and the random is frankly impossible.  Call it bad luck, God’s will, fate, karma, your time, whatever; bad things happen.  What to do about it?

First, I think it’s important to reconcile yourself to death, your own and that of everyone you know and love.  This is the hardest thing.  Most people I know, including yours truly, are still in this process, struggling.  Many of us don’t really want to deal with this issue at all, and actively defend against it, deny death, and deny lots of other things as well.  On the other side of the spectrum, there are others that taunt death as a way of coping with the ultimate.  These are the mountain climbers, race car drivers, sky divers, rock climbers, etc.  In the middle are those that initiate mid-life affairs, divorces, change of career, move out of state, country, etc.  There’s no doubt that getting a year older each year brings you closer to finality.

So, after you complete suggestion number 1, reconcilement, (which may take most of your life to actually do) I guess the next thing to do, after making sure that you imbibe at least a half glass of wine daily to delay the inevitable, (and the other half to impose a daily minor anesthesia), is to carefully examine your sense of humor.  Do you have one? What kind is it?  This requires examination.  Do you only laugh at other people’s jokes?  Do you find things to laugh at that aren’t really funny?  Do you laugh at all? Smile? Grin? 

A good sense of humor will carry you through life much better than a heavy heart.  Not that grieving or sadness aren’t part of the human experience.  Of course they are.  But those emotions need to balanced, at least by irony. 

So get out there and have a good laugh.  And while you’re at it, do something to enjoy yourself, however small. After all, we have to LIVE while we’re living.  And you can quote me on that! 

Leslie March 2nd, 2007


It’s Time to Get Involved January 25, 2007

Leslie January 25th, 2007

It’s hard to listen to the news these days.  Not that it was ever easy.  But now, with crises abounding here, there and everywhere, coupled with impending crises that haven’t yet happened but could or might, or will depending on your mood or point of view, I am feeling a sense of percolating frustration that just won’t go away.  At times, the frustration gives way to anger and downright rage that surprises even me.  I have always been a quiet champion for causes, for peace not war, for doing the right thing and being consistent about it, politically, domestically, personally.

It doesn’t help that I was a history and political science major in school, or that I was in college during the Viet Nam war and was an honorary member of the VVAW (Viet Nam Veterans Against the War), and was an active protester during those years.  But that perspective was also informed at the time by my half time job working for a professor, Dr. Wesley Fishel, who had been the head US advisor to Ngo Dinh Diem, then the President of South Viet Nam.  Actually, I helped him edit his books on Viet Nam, and spent many hours talking to him about his experiences there early on.  He was a very controversial professor.  Unbeknownst to me when I enrolled in his class, he was on the cover that month of Rampart magazine in a highly negative article, presented as a major hawk of the war.  When I showed up for the first class, there were hundreds of Viet Nam war veterans picketing his class.  Wesley, in his first of many surprising moves, invited them all in to his class.  Then began one of the most interesting learning experiences I had.  Learning about the history and political environment of a small, remarkably complex country refracted against the life and near death experiences of students and professor alike. 

So why do I bring this up?  What makes that experience relevant to now?  Simply this.  Knowledge really is power.  Societies are complex, history is important.  By the end of the class, most, if not all of the Vets, understood the mistakes of Viet Nam.  They also understood that Wesley Fishel believed that if you start a war, you better know how to win it.  It was clear to him then that the US did not have a clue how to win the war in Viet Nam.  Our elected officials did not remotely understand what they were getting into.  We, as Americans, suffered greatly for their folly, ignorance and arrogance.  Allowing yourself the openness to consider learning by hearing more than one point of view is not in vogue right now.  Many people have hardened opinions based on little actual knowledge but voice them anyway and loudly.  It’s not easy to define issues for yourself especially when we have leaders trying to shape our thinking by framing the discussion in a way to play into their selected strategy.  Of course, that’s fine, when the strategy works….. 

Now we have many issues on the table to consider.  What are we willing to suffer greatly now and in the near term future?  Again, we have leaders that have led us into a dark corner, not just with the Iraq war, but with failed leadership on many fronts - energy, health care, climate, worldwide terrorism, to just hit on some key areas that need immediate attention and action.  We have much at stake and many reasons to consider stepping outside of our protected remote-controlled cocoons to see where our contribution might make a difference.

Which is why I will using my just-born and launched jewelry webstore as a platform to provide assistance, monetary and otherwise to issues and organizations that I support as a woman, and others that I support as a citizen of our great country. (Though many of us haven’t been feeling too great about it lately)  I am currently working on several projects, some longer term, some imminent, that will shine a light, raise awareness or simply provide enthusiastic support.  Individual effort can be substantial and can and does make a difference.  Particularly when it coagulates with other individual efforts.  But it takes doing it.  The first step is the most difficult.    I’m taking it.

Stay tuned. 

Leslie January 25th, 2007


Doing Good for Others; Doing Good for Yourself

Leslie January 12th, 2007

 

January 12, 2007 

This concept should be the motto of the Oh’s or aughts, whatever.  It’s my new adopted philosophy for the rest of my life, however long that is.

The short story is this: when you do something good for some one or some organization or some business then the subsequent goodness that you bring comes back to you, and voila! you feel better as a human being, better as a participant in this crazy experiment called society.  And, not inconsequentially, other people regard you as a human being as well.  It’s an unavoidable good feeling, after doing a good deed.  Kind of like the feeling that pervaded Ebenezer Scrooge when he did his abrupt about face and started helping Tiny Tim.  What a concept!  And it works.

The news of the day, any day, is filled with stories, most you really don’t want to hear.  It’s hard to avoid hearing about the daily disasters that affect countless thousands around the world.  I’m sure that each one of us has a disaster of some kind that affects us, whatever it is - medical, family, job, etc., a sort of microcosm of the ills that we face as a society.  There are instances when we are affected by the situation but not in a position to affect the ultimate outcome.  Sort of like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  My prescription for these unfortunate situations is action of some sort, whatever it is, that may positively impact those around you or just yourself.

It’s easy to get carried away by all of the negativity out there.  It is important, therefore, not to screen out the positivity that is happening at the same time.  Recently, there has been coverage of Oprah building a school in South Africa for girls that will emphasize leadership.  When asked why she got personnally involved in the school, she replied that she was (I’m paraphrasing) tired of just writing checks, she wanted the satisfaction of knowing the people she was helping.  I agree with her.  Scaling down doing good to the individual level is more personal and more personnally gratifying.  Look at what Bill Gates spends his time doing.  And lots of noteworthy others.

So I leave with this optimistic note for today.  Feeding your soul gives you strength.  And we all need strength.

Thanks for visiting.  Stay tuned.  

Being Yourself or at Least Trying

Leslie January 4th, 2007

 

January 4, 2007 

Seems simple enough.  Be yourself. Get up in the morning when you want, get dressed in the clothes you like, have the body you want, look the way you want to look, work where you like, talk to people you like, live the life that you want to live.  Well, maybe not so simple.  It seems to me that being yourself is a complicated subject.  To begin with, it helps to know who you are antecedent to actually living a life consistent with your identity.  Many of us women get stuck right here.  Many of us define ourselves in relation to others ie, I’m such and such’s daughter, sister, friend, mother, wife, girlfriend, colleague, etc.  It’s a bit intimidating to define ourselves individually, as a unique person in the world with a unique constellation of talents and abilities, personality traits and physical attributes, interests and needs. Many women aren’t really encouraged to think this way, as an individual.

Yet, that personal assessment is key to living in a harmonious state of being.  Many women that I know, both well and not so well, are living in situations, working in environments, having friendships with others that aren’t satisfying to them, or are downright stultifying.  It can happen to any of us and does, more often than we would like to admit.  So the next question is, how can I be myself and find myself doing things I don’t want to do, looking the way I don’t want to look, living my life the way I don’t want to live it?

I believe that a good part of the answer lies in the ongoing difficulty of actually being yourself, actively living in the world and at the same time, not allowing yourself to be engaged by those people or situations that can cause you to veer off your course.  Or you find yourself having made decisions that, in retrospect, have impacted your life for long periods of time that are inconsistent with your fundamental sense of self.  This can happen in the relationships that we choose throughout our lives, particularly long term ones.  Some of us know the path we want to pursue when we’re young and are able to follow it.  Many more of us simply don’t develop that compelling direction early in life and get carried along with the current of life, not really steering ourselves in a specific direction.  And sometimes those that were on course, suddenly veer off, for whatever reason.  It’s this veering off that presents the challenges of being yourself, I think, because once you have veered off, it’s very hard to achieve that harmony within yourself that I referred to above. You can find yourself living a life you may not like or want.

Some of us are able to convert a wrong turn into a right situation. For example, taking a specific job in a company that in the cold light of day, doesn’t really suit you, but quickly assessing the situation and identifying a better fit within the company or exiting instead of trying to force yourself to fit in.  Like exiting a marriage before kids, not encouraging a friendship that you early on perceive will be troubled.

Many of us get mired in situations that aren’t consistent with the true self we know and it takes a long time to do something about it.  Still, I think that it’s better to act more in keeping with your self and to keep moving in that direction.  As we get older, this becomes more complicated and usually involves more people than just yourself.

Some of us change careers.  Some of us move away to somewhere else.  Some of us trade in husbands or wives.  Or go back to school.  And some of us don’t have the luxury of even contemplating change, until their responsibilities (children, sick parents, etc.) change.

My conclusion is that being yourself in the environment of your choosing is a function of having an ongoing and deep understanding of yourself coupled with an equally deep appreciation that decisions made early or hastily can redound for years to come.  Of course, I haven’t mentioned the issue of luck, a pivotal thing that no one can count on. But with luck, that’s just it, you can’t count on it.

I don’t have any answers, just observations at this point.  What I’m doing now is very much involved with expressing yourself in your appearance and being more deliberate about the message that you are communicating.  It’s all part of having a keen awareness of ourselves and meeting the outside world face first.

Stay tuned and thanks for visiting.

  

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